One of my favorite comedians ever has passed. I have nothing to write I just wanted to put out a few of my absolute favorite bits of his here. Enjoy. RIP GC
————————————————————————————–
Here’s another pack of jackoffs who ought to be strangled in front of their children. People who pay for inexpensive items with a credit card. You know? Folks, take my word for this, Raisinetts is NOT a major purchase. Get some fucking cash together. No one should be paying the bank eighteen percent interest on Tic-Tacs. And you’re holding up the fucking line, too. Some dorky looking prick with a fanny pack waiting to be approved for a bag of Cheese Doodles. I need this like I need an infected scrotum. Get some fucking money. Next guy in front of me that pays for Newsweek with a credit card is getting stabbed in the eyes!
I don’t think you should outlaw fantasizing about someone else’s wife. Otherwise, what’s a guy gonna think about when he’s waxing his carrot?
Here’s something you never hear a guy say: “Stop sucking my dick, or I’ll call the police!”\
I don’t have pet peeves; I have major psychotic fucking hatreds, okay. And it makes the world a lot easier to sort out.
I’m thinking of opening up a motel and calling it “The Sleep and Fuck”. Wouldn’t that be a good, honest name for a motel, who needs this “Shady Pines”-bull shit? “The Sleep and Fuck”-motel. Get me one of them big neon signs: “Sleep”, “Fuck”, “Sleep”, “Fuck”.
“Remember, this is Mr. Conductor talking. I know what I’m talking about.”
“Oh, don’t act disgusted! Don’t act disgusted! Half of you are gonna go home and go down on each other tonight, remember? If you’re willing to swallow cum, let’s not make believe that something I said was disgusting!”
“Imagine your grandmother in hell baking pies…Without an oven”
